Try and follow the leader

And so begins the trials and tribulations of student teaching.  I may be exhausted, but I will reflect here....

Following directions.  Most people seem to not want to do that.  Is it because they do not want to or is it because the directions are not clear?  I am going to have to go with the later.  Just like directions from Ikea, I felt that during the week my lessons were lacking a bit of clarity in a certain area.  While lesson planning and thinking I spend extensive time scripting and thinking of what I actually would love to say and how to communicate an activity to my students.  To me it sounds crystal clear.  Then I start teaching. 

While the lesson seems to be unraveling in front of my face, I know the lesson is actually hitting a speed bump.  When explaining the directions of the various activities to my students I am often met with blank stares that scream “WHAT LANGUAGE IS SHE SPEAKING TO ME!” While recognizing this, I mentally try to take a step back and breathe.  I know something went wrong.  Often times, I will try and call on the one student who may just get my train of thought and have them revoice it to the class.  I catch myself using adult words (I will not stop however, but challenge my students to figure out the definition) and then having to clarify what they mean.  So I recognize that students will need clarifying, but even after a student tells the class in their language they seem to be lost.  Could the students not be listening?  Yes, but I know that one of my weaknesses that I must focus on in coming weeks is my clarity of directions.  I do not mind having to repeat myself 4 times, but when every student has a clue what is going on there is an issue with what should be a simple task.  As the week progressed students had a better grasp of what was being asked of them, which makes me believe there have been slight improvements.  There are also some practices I need to keep students accountable with following directions, and it is not a check in their behavior folder.  Patience is a virtue….I will get it, soon!

Truth

A Small Bite into Decoding

Last week, I gave what I consider an awful presentation on decoding.  Why was it awful you may ask?  Well after a week from hell where my computer self combusted I basically left the burden up to my partner to complete the assignment.  So maybe because only my feet were wet and not all the way up to my neck, or the fact I really could not grasp what decoding was and how it looked for students.  Or it was awful because I made a huge fool of myself in front of the class because of my inability to personally decode.  In the kitchen of screw ups, there was a dash of both ingredients.  So now I know that decoding is breaking up words into its various sounds.  I never really got to experience students decoding in my last practicum because it was a 6th grade placement.  My students then were all at a level of high fluency.  I spent the majority of my time with them working on comprehension.
This semester I am tutoring a struggling reader who I know will give me plenty of opportunities to help her decode.  At least I think so, I am still administering tests to have a better grasp on her abilities.  But I digress from the reason why I came out of hiding to write this post.  Today, while working on a math lesson in my new practicum placement my student was reading a word problem aloud.  He was having trouble with the word macaroni.  Without even thinking (well I lie again, I saw my decoding opportunity and pounced) I stuck my finger over "aroni" and had my student break apart the syllables.  He was able to get mac, then we moved onto "ar" and so on.  He pushed the syllables together and there it was "macaroni."  I thought about pointing to the pic of mac and cheese in the textbook, but knew that by using decoding the student would have a more concrete understanding of the words and use that strategy next time he comes to a stop in his reading.  It was not explicit that I was teaching reading, I am just happy I was able to start mastering a method I was previously so uncomfortable with.  

Ulterior motives

So I have waxed eloquently on here about what I plan to implement as a teacher. However I never really divulged why I want to become a teacher. Yes it is to make a difference but subconsciously lies the real reason.  This past semester,  (yes it's over! Sad to see some classes end (Social Studies) and others not so much (Math)) I took a children's literature class that reopened my eyes to the wonderment that is children's literature. Our 1st assignment was to write our own bio of our reading habits (below).  What I soon discovered is that as a child I had a voracious appetite for books but could never satisfy my hunger. Then it dawned on me one day, I am becoming a teacher to have an excuse to read all the books I never got around to as a child. Through my class I discovered that children's literature is not a whole lot different than the stuff we read as adults.  The stories run parallel themes that infiltrate the books for an older set. There are love stories, struggles, uncertainties, and discoveries.   Well written children's novels weave an intricate plot that engages the reader to turn page after page.  In a nut shell, children’s literature is adult literature either written in the child’s perspective or marketed to children.  Chances are you ate up all 7 Harry Potter’s even though they are “kid’s books.”  So this break instead of catching up on reality TV or gossip sites I plan to plow through one or two of those books that never got to be cracked open when I was a wee one. 

Journal:  Write your own reading autobiography.  What memories do you have of your early reading?  Did either of your parents read to you?  Do you recall any of the books read to you as a child?  Did any teachers or librarians read aloud to you?  What books did you own as a child?  What were some of your favorites?  Do you recall any that you did not like?  Do you know why?  Were there any characters with whom you related closely?

My mother always read to me. Every night before bed I would pick out a book from the shelf. From what I can remember I always loved Good Night Moon and Oh the Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss. I find this ironic because had I graduated from Vandy while Chancellor Gee was in office I would have received that at my college graduation. I loved to look at the pictures and jump right into the book with the characters. My mother usually took on the reading duties because my father has dyslexia and it would often be hard for him to read aloud. She would patiently read the books over and over to me, until I finally had them memorized. Once the book was finished, I would ask her to read it again. When I was in elementary school, each March was P.A.R.P.: Parents As Reading Partners. Each night we were to go home and read aloud to our parents. It was a friendly competition to encourage students to go home and read.  

In school, it all started with Roger Red Hat in Mrs. Cesarano’: s kindergarten class at Ridge Street School. I remember breaking out into guided reading groups and reading the same book as some of my peers. I loved the challenge of reading the books, but was hard on myself because I was not reading the hardest option available. By the end of first grade, I was reading independently with little help from my parents at home. Also, I loved the Library period we had each week. Once a week, all throughout elementary school we would go up to the Library. There Mrs. Goldman would read us a story, which usually tied in with that week’ s lesson. After she read to us we were encouraged to check out books, specifically that tied into what we were learning that unit. I remember looking at all the chapter books and wanting so badly to take them out. I think by 3^rd or 4^th grade I did take them out, and really enjoyed reading them, but some were hard to read. When I was able to master the chapter book I started the American Girl Doll series of books for Molly. Molly was my favorite because she modern and adventurous. Also, the World War Two era had really fascinated me because my grandfather had fought in the war.  

As I got older, into Middle School I would read book after book. When my family moved and I had a brand, spanking new room the only request I had for the construction was to have one long shelf at the top of my room to put all my books. On the left were the books to be read and read ones were to the right. When I had to clean out my room last summer I noticed that the right side was far more loaded than the right. In middle school, I started reading more adult books, but still loved the Princess Diaries series. I would stalk Meg Cabot’s website hoping it would be that much closer to the release date of the next book. To me Mia Thermopolis was the coolest, best friend a girl could want. I wanted to live her life in New York City and be free and artistic just like her. While waiting for the next book in the series to be released, I started reading adult books. The most memorable books from middle school were Summer Sisters and She’s Come Undone. I was so into She’s Come Undone that the binding of the book broke, and when I reread Summer Sisters for book club it was just as good the second time around. During summers at sleep away camp, me and my friends would skip activities to hide in the woods to read by the lake. In High School, I began to appreciate the books our teachers assigned to us. I loved looking for symbolism in Lord of the Flies, and truly understanding what Romeo and Juliet was about. While Leo was easy on the eyes, reading Shakespeare’s text was that much more powerful. I am not going to lie, there were times when Cliff Notes were used to get through some of the painful stuff I had to read for English class. It was dry or above my level or I was not mature enough at the time to grasp what the author was saying. In eleventh grade however I loved almost every book Mrs. Jackson assigned to us. From One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest to The Great Gatsby I was excited for the homework she would assign us. Senior year, I was enrolled in AP European History, and over the summer I was to read The Girl with the Pearl Earring, my absolute favorite book. My senior year, I was also the president of the book club (and captain of the math team to help increase the nerd factor). Outside of the class room I was always reading independent books.  

At one of the first classes at Vanderbilt that I enrolled in was an English course. The professor assigned Of Mice and Men, this I was not happy about. I hated it in High School, but I read that Steinbeck in hours. Due to the fact I loved it so much, I later picked up some of his other works. Unfortunately, I never found the time to finish them, but one day. During summers, I would commute from Westchester into the City and would read book after book. The summer, I was placed in the Brooklyn office for the company where I was interning was the summer I would read book after book. On average, I finished a book a week. After college, I unfortunately did not pick up where I left off. I could not focus enough on a book to one get involved or two even finish it. This past spring, I picked up the Hunger Games and while I have not voraciously finished it, reading the series is setting me back up to have a healthy appetite for literature.  

What a Difference 4 Months Makes

I have gained a ton of knowledge this semester.  I was a blank canvas who knew nothing, nada, zilch, the goose egg about teaching, let alone teaching literacy.  If I gained anything that teaching literacy builds the foundation for the potential to learn great things.  The combination of phonological awareness, fluency, phonics, vocabulary and comprehension create a powerful reaction for tomorrow’s great learners and leaders.  From what I read, experience, and speak with others about is that for some reason, someone thinks those great leaders and learners are only located in either suburban or private schools.  

When I decided to go into teaching I wanted to have purpose for getting out of bed each day.  Working with sweaters and male models was not cutting (yes I gave up staring at a beautiful specimen of a man for 8 plus hours, but the luster wears off fast).  I wanted to make a difference in a child’s life.  I did not care where this was or what type of environment it was.  Then we got our second practicum placement and after a little resistance it all clicked.  The school we were placed in is considered inner-city or high poverty.  Most students are on subsidized lunches.  I did not even realize this until a bit into the placement.  I was overwhelmed with the fact I was placed in 6^th grade and on my first day the students were bouncing off the walls.  I was expected to teach lessons to these students?  Ask anyone the following week and I was a mess.  I was lucky enough to have people in my life to help talk me down from that ledge and comfort me that everything was going to be okay.

It was okay.  It was more than okay!  Being assigned practicum at this site opened my eyes to so many things with the education system and has given me the fire to be the best teacher I can be. I witnessed the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I was fortunate to get a glimpse into the teacher’s lounge chat and was less than impressed with how these teachers spoke of their students.  These teachers expect so much from their students but hold them to such low standards.  Of course they will constantly disappoint you if you expect the worst.  I know I am not in the trenches and standing in front of a classroom for 8 hours, so I may not understand their perspective.  They could just be blowing off steam, but truly love teaching.  

From the powerful talk I attended with Dr. Gloria Ladson-Billings, I know these students have the odds stacked against them.  I cannot even imagine their home life, but when they step into school, their district is probably investing half the amount of money that the neighboring suburban town is investing in their students.  While money equals supplies it also creates an aura as well.  Whenever I would step into my practicum placement, the school in general I would not feel a spirit.  However, when I did step through the door of my classroom that spirit would be alive (some days).  To me it seemed that everyone knew that no one was expecting greatness from the students.  Their job was to move them along to high school and hope they passed their state tests.  The students know this as well.  When I was teaching a lesson where students were able to get up out of their seats and move about the classroom and learn at the same time they were excited.  Even when they were asked what they enjoyed about the activity they were able to verbalize they loved to do something different and learn at the same time. 

Working one on one with my students has also enlightened me to this downtrodden spirit.  When teaching vocab to various students they would not want to try to figure out the meaning of a word.  I would tell them that hard work pays off.  I am not sure if anyone ever told them this.  I think it was only expected of them.  With just a little push my students were able to use their tools to understand a words meaning.  Never have I seen a person’s face light up with such joy when I told him how smart he was and that he did a spectacular job with his work.  I don’t remember what he said exactly, but it was definitely self-deprecating.  

When I have my own classroom, every day I must remind myself that I have confidence in my students’ greatness.  This type of spirit will have students looking forward to Monday mornings.  It will have them motivated to read interesting, different books.  It will make the pen move at rapid speed on the paper.  These students need as much support in the school environment because they may not be getting the nurturing they deserve at home. I don’t know what their home life is like, but from the students who confided in me, I know it’s not exactly perfect.  

I will take the responsibility to go the extra mile for my students to help the achievement gap close a bit tighter.  I will use resources like Donors Choose to get a variety of texts in my classroom for students to be exposed to.  I will speak to my students how they should be spoken to, as adults.  These mini adults, as I like to call them, will rise to the occasion.  They will develop amazing literary skills.  They will use the books they read as model texts for the writing they soon will produce.  Their lives are interesting and colorful which will create some amazing literature.  This literature will start to be written in my classroom and one day may be on a bookshelf (well more like Nook).  

Good teaching is good teaching.  When I am down in the trenches and I feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel, I have to remind myself that this is for the students.  They have been dealt a less than fair deck.  The fire that I feel right now will fuel me on to give these students the academic tools for greatness.  I want them to see they have not been forgotten about and that they can do anything they put their mind to.  

It is hard for me to really put into words what my practicum experience has shown me.  I just know that it has confirmed my decision to become a teacher.  It has confirmed my decision that I can make a lasting difference in a student’s life.  It has confirmed in me that I can become the change I want to see in my students.    

The Write Stuff

Maybe it’s my older years of a whole quarter of a century that I cannot remember anything.  It could also be the fact I have 110 thoughts passing through my head at any given moment.  I am going to say that it is the later; I have too many thoughts and a good one may just get lost in the sea and not come to the surface for days.  Well that’s usually when I don’t have a pen and paper or in modern day cases my cell phone handy.  Often the greatest inspiration for my writing would come on my walks home from work.  I had 20 blocks between me and my office where I would walk and think to clear my head from my dead end job.  Often on those frigid walks home was when the inspiration for my next posting would come from.  I honestly have no idea what sparked the creative juices to start flowing but there was no stopping them.  To dam the ideas up, I would whip out the trusty old Blackberry.  As I walked I would furiously type away whatever I thought sounded good.  I am surprised I was never hit by a taxi.  Ok we get it, I am a writer and this is an education blog so guess what comes next: The connection to the classroom and the students. 

Inspiration for writing does not come from sitting at a desk with a paper and pencil on your desk.  It comes from the lives we lead and the inspirations we pass.  I doubt those cold desks are inspiring the next great American novel.  When it comes out let’s ask the author what his or her inspiration came from.  I bet you $20 it was not sitting at his desk looking at a blank word document.  I find it comical the fact that writing this post is taking the most effort and staring at a blank screen.  I know what I want to write, but just could not string the words together.  Oh the irony!  Yes there will be writing instruction in my classroom, lots of it, but I want to teach my students the purpose and inspiration for writing.  An excellent tool to enable this is the writer’s notebook or pad.  If students are equipped with a note pad and pencil wherever they go they can write down their ideas when they strike.  It eliminates that deep thought process of what was I thinking about when I had that stupendous idea.  That stupendous idea is already written down and when the student sits down for writer’s workshop h/she knows exactly where to begin.  They have an idea.  They do not know where this idea will take them.  Could it end up being a mystery?  Or will it be a poem?  Will it be a mysterious poem?  The writing process of prewriting, writing and revising will lend itself to how the actual piece develops.

Coming up with the idea is often the hardest part of free writing.  We as teachers must “help students to see and value the precious particles in their lives not by giving lectures and assignments, but by demonstrating this quality of attentiveness in our own lives” (Calkins, 1994).  When students are aware of their surroundings they can draw on their experiences and create excellent writing.  Ever talk to a published writer?  Ask them who their main character’s inspiration is.  Nine times out of ten they will say there is a big part of me (the author) in the character.  Over the course of my semester, I have had the privilege of listening to talented writers speak about their body of work.  Every single one of them mentioned themselves were in their books in one capacity or another.  We need to show our students that our lives are worth being written about, that our stories are the next tall tales to be told.  We as teachers must inspire our students to draw with their pencil.  But we need to put that pencil in their hand and convey to our students that inspiration may strike at a moment’s notice.  Stop and get it down on paper because great things will come flowing out of that pen.  The writer’s notebook is the first step in that process.

Once we start writing there seems to be a wall we hit.  That wall is not lack of ideas, but in reality lack of confidence.  I remember in high school, Mr. Shortliffe had us break with tradition and write exploratory essays.  Instead of ending the last sentence of our first paragraph with our thesis we just wrote our thoughts until they ended with our thesis.  He prefaced this assignment or couple of papers with the fact that if it is in our head just write it down and the thesis will just naturally develop.  This may have been the hardest* assignment of 10^th grade, more so than reading Ibsen (really Ibsen in May, students are checked out in May and give them A Doll’s House and they are already in the Catskills singing camp songs).  It was hard because as students we are traditionally told to write it down if it only has meaning or significance.  The art of revision was never really a part of the process.  Resistance to writing comes from lack of confidence and this assignment wanted to just explore.  This serves as inspiration for how I want to create a writing environment in my classroom.  I want to remove all resistance so the words just flow.  I want my students to just try and get their ideas on paper.  It may be a drawing of how their story should progress, it could be a bunch of squiggles that one day will form words or it may be a spoke wheel with what the author wants to include in their piece of writing.  This writing needs to be celebrated along its journey.  Encouragement and positive feedback will keep the writing wheel greased.  Once the practice stops it’s hard to pick up where it left off.  It needs to be a constant occurrence.  There really are no excuses.  I see in my own writing, the more I do it the better it becomes and the more ideas I have swirling around in my head.  If I see this why not show it to my students.  They will understand this and they will be writing themselves to the top. 

*Like I told my practicum students, “Hard work pays off.”  As you can tell from my posts, I tend to write in a more exploratory style.  So thank you Mr. Shortliffe, you have challenged me since 8^th grade.  There would be no Chef Steph without you, there would be no RPPQD! without you, there would be no urine, tinkle, piss without you.